« My night out with Johanna | Main | Audition for Steve Bequette »
May 09, 2005
Insomnia
I can’t sleep. This is really irritating, and it’s been going on way too long now.
For weeks, I couldn’t sleep because of the whole Jess thing. I was so upset, and on such a visceral, foundational level, that my stomach simply wouldn’t let me physically relax. So I’d get up at 3 every morning and check my email, hoping there’d be something from her, or whatever.
I don’t do that anymore. I’m angry with her still, of course, but I’m more emotionally removed from the situation than I used to be. Certainly I don’t feel that same sense of physical tension that used to prevent sleep. I’m starting to feel that maybe I’m getting over her at last, which is a welcome relief.
I don’t know what’s wrong now; I just toss and turn. I’m thinking of buying some sleeping pills. I’ve never used them before, and given my general distaste for and suspicion of drugs in all forms, I’m a bit reluctant. But this insomnia has got to stop. I’m tired all the time, and this makes me lazy and unproductive. And then at the end of the day I haven’t done much, so I’m tired but not exactly worn out, so I still don’t really sleep well. I’m hoping that the sleeping pills will provide me with a couple of night consecutive quality sleep, and that then I’ll feel better and more motivated to do the things I both want and need to do.
Like resume swimming, for example. I haven’t been to the pool in two weeks, and I need to get back into that. I’m feeling fat again. Whine whine whine… :) Well, anyway. Enough of this. I’m not tired enough to go back to bed, but maybe I can find something to amuse me until I am.
Posted by alex at May 9, 2005 04:43 AM